Jenni's Page

Our friends Stace & Mike found out last week that they'll have to move. I spent my days off helping Stace apartment hunt. It made me realize what an amazing job Pete did finding our place!

I was working weekends when we were looking, so he was the one doing all the actual touring. We'd talked about all the things that were important to us, and my dealbreaker was carpeting. If we had it, it had to be half-way decent. No current stains, and something that was actually cleanable. I've had some nasty, horrible carpeting in some places.
Pete had actually looked at three other apartments in our complex before our supe (with an exasperated sigh, she told me later) offered to show him the "upgraded" model. Pete kind of fell in love with it on the spot.
I love it because it's ours, and because there's a lot of room. It's nothing supah-fancy, but it's clean and the area is great for us.

I'd thought I was appreciative before. But, holy gawd all the skank Stace & I saw! You'd think if you were showing an apartment, you'd at least make sure it didn't smell like year-old garbage and wet dog. I'm so not kidding. Only ONE of the apartments we looked at didn't smell, and that one was way out of their price range. We're both polite girls, so it'd be the hurried run to the car after a viewing so we could giggle and wonder WTF could possibly stain a wall that shade of purple. In splotches.
Also, What's up with charging $10 a month to paint an accent wall? I can understanding charging to paint it in the first place, but an on-going, monthly charge to have a non-white wall? I'd never heard of that before. And $5 a month to have the cuuuurved shower curtain instead of the straight one? Why wouldn't you just go buy one instead? It would have to be cheaper than that over the course of your lease. Or am I totally wrong? It has been a while since I've bought a shower curtain rod.

After that excitement, they found a place that's everything they're looking for. Plus, it's in a woodsy area (Mike loves that). It's about 40 minutes from here, though. That makes me a little sad.

It seems when I moved closer to work, everyone else moved further away. (Almost) all of my besties will be living within a 10-mile radius of each other, and it's at least a 40 minute drive for me to see any of them!
I'm especially going to miss Stace & Mike. Lately, we've been hanging out every weekend. Pete & Mike have become really good friends. They discgolf and go to games together. Stace & I joke about them being "BFFs forevah!!". I love it because Pete doesn't get the chance to hang out with his other friends often, and I know sometimes he needs his Guy Chillout Time.

I can see lots of driving in our future *lol*.

I seldom make it up there to visit now. We haven't been since July 4th, and the last time had been months and months before that. Maybe I'll have to introduce Stace to Kris (they haven't met yet), invite Michelle & Nikki ... and then every time we head up there, I'd have all my besties together! And it'd be like saaaving gas because I could see all four of them at once instead of seperate trips. I get to see Nikki & Michelle at work almost every day, but ...
Yeeeah! I'm sure Pete would go for that.

"I'm gunna go up North."
"But you just went last weekend!"
"Four-for-one! Pshaw! It's like I'm saving us money, baby. Because I am thinkin all the time."

Almost four years ago, I was hanging out at my friend Michelle's apartment when in walked Nick and Exface. Nick was the funniest, craziest, rocker-ist guy with a fauxhawk I'd ever met.


me with Nick, way back then

We all started spending more time together, until we were hanging out (and partying) three or four times a week. No matter what we were doing, it was always fun. Although other people hung out with us at different times (and they were awesome too), I'll always remember it as being us four.
And when things finally ended with me & Exface, Nick made sure I knew our friendship mattered. Nick's that kind of guy with everyone. But I felt like I was losing such a huge part of myself during the breakup (his friends? my friends?) and Nick understood.
He was dating this girl named Shawn. Although I haven’t gotten to spend as much time with her because she's about the busiest woman I've ever known, she’s always been so much fun and such a sweetheart.
After five years of dating, Nick and Shawn are getting married (it’s in the water around here, I swear) and Saturday was her bachelorette party.


Shawn rocks out!


me & stace




these are two of my favorite people ever, Stace & Michelle


[I totally nabbed these pictures from Stace. I took a lot, too, and they’ll be up on my Flickr account later on today. Darn camera cord being at work when I need it at home ...]

It was a few hours of gabbing with some of my favorite girls (I hadn't gotten to hang out with Michelle in way too long) and singing along at the piano bar. Good times.

On the way home, my phone went off. It was a voice mail from Nick. He was out with the guys gettin crazy on the second night of his 'Bachelor Weekend'.
"I'm ... I'm rockin it OUT Jen-nay! Yeeeeeeeaaahhh!!! You're an f'in rockstar! Yeeeeah! Partypartypartywooooo!"
I had to roll my eyes and laugh. There'll never be another Nick. Or another Shawn who loves him so much.




Congrats, you two!! I hope you have long, heathly, happy, wonderful lives together and lots of B. babies! :)

P.S. The vids of Nick hula-ing? Awwwwesome.

I'd been pensive and thinky for a few days.

If I'm honest, it's been more then a few days. Building and pushing in gently, and I know change is coming. I've felt this way before.

Last time, I clutched that feeling to me and tried to live past it. Because of fear. I'd never lived anywhere except our tiny town (village? I think technically it is) and I wasn't sure I could. Literally years of questioning, wondering, and giving myself excuses until I just couldn't take it anymore.
I was such a miserable girl inside. And I don't think I hid it well.

Things haven't been quite right lately. There've been a few big cries while Pete holds me, bewildered but supportive. Conversations about our options, our best future.
'What does it matter?,' he asks. 'We'll still be together!'

Our friend had just left, after talking about hopping states and opportunities, and that sentence was exactly what I needed to hear. He'd said it before, but it had to be just the right moment for me to hear it.
Something clicked along with my smile. He's right.
For the first time, we can take the jump together.

It comes down to this:
I no longer want to live a life where I envy anyone anything. I want to take the risks that are right for me (& my family, because Pete is my family) and get us to where we need to be.
Intelligently, honestly, and with a little Jenni-spazzing thrown in.
But we'll get there.

I'm seeing past all the have-tos and adults shoulds to the truth. I'm responsible for building my own future. My own life.
And this? Isn't it. It was a great place to rest and catch my balance, but I've gotten that now. I'm no longer challanged or happy, and that's bleeding over into the things that do make me happy.
Pete, my friends, my family : they all deserve the best I can offer. And at this stage, they aren't getting it. Hell - I'm not getting it.

So, plans are in motion.
Right now it feels like baby steps, but as with everything big that happens to me, I'm likely to get swept up so fast I don't know what's hit me until months later.

And that sounds great. I'm ready.

We're in the car at 9pm on a Friday. Dusky light and cooler air flow in through the windows as he stirs from his passenger-seat nap. I look over and smile before turning my attention back to the road. 32 miles to the bridge, 80 to my parent's front door, and right about where I start feeling home.

***

It's hot out, and my parent's yard is full of relatives I haven't seen in forever alongside loved ones I don't see often enough. My Dad is doing his usual host thing, moving easily between groups. Ah!, I think for the hundreth time, that's where I got it from.
We're sitting in a small group on the new wooden benches, watching the kids and puppies run endless circles around the swingset.

***

The breeze is cool, even in the wooded circle. My sister looks so happy and beautiful. I've never seen her happier than she's been in the last few years, and it drowns out the memories of that sad, independant, fiesty sixteen year old who felt the world at once owed and hated her. She's turned into a woman I lean on, and that's saying so very much. John looks over at her, and I feel a rush of love for them. The things she's been through, she deserves to be this happy.
What did I do to deserve my happiness? In a year, this will be me. I've just been lucky, I suppose. The luckiest.

***

John calls my niece up, and she already has tears in her eyes. As he bends to her and speaks about love, trust, a parent's responsibility, my eye well over. When she sobs 'I didn't think I'd cry so much!' we all answer with our own tears.
This is the most beautiful moment of the weekend, and we are now a family.

***

We're in the car again, just me and Pete taking the kids to dinner. My niece and nephew are in the back seats. They're laughing and telling stories, making up the grossest receipies they can think of.
How did they know this is what'll make Uncle Pete laugh more than anything?

***

Home again. And our own bed. It's never been so sweet. I love visiting, but being on twenty-two hours a day is a bit much. We curl up and drift off. I want to sleep for a week. I want no responsibility, daytime t.v., and lemonaide.
Instead, I have laundry and grocery shopping and friends that've missed us.
It's a good problem to have.

***

Our friend's ended up in the emergency room.
I'm the first to get the call, since the other person (people?) she'd call are a few towns away.
I rush there, and am met by a care nurse. He talks to me and then takes me to a very small waiting room.
As I sit there, it washes over me, this horrible sadness and nervousness. I thank god that we know it's minor, that our friend is perfectly fine. Otherwise, this must be the most terrible room in the world. There's no warmth here. Only a dark sense of anxiety.
I never want to go back to that room.

***

I'm playing with her new phone since she's trying to show it off. Fiddling with the buttons, I open her received texts.
I know what I'm going to find. I don't want to see it. But, some impulse : I have to.
What I read there makes my stomach turn. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, why don't you listen to us?! How can this be okay?! I've talked myself hoarse. I've cried, screamed, listened, tried to understand. For over a year now. None of it has changed anything, and now it's come to this.
I'm lost for her. I'm scared for her.
There is literally nothing I can do.
I buckle all of those emotions down and walk away. I have to. For my own sanity, for my own life. It's the only option left.
I'll be there when she needs me.
Dear God, please don't let it be in one of those little rooms.

Because I don't want this to get lost in all the busy, this is the last week in Jenni-ness :

♡ Friday night after work I got talked into meeting up with Stace and Mike for TasteFest Detroit. I was kind of worn out and not feeling up to doing anything, but I'm so glad Pete changed my mind! We spent a couple hours of wandering around listening to good music and eating amazing food (the sushi was the best!!). Yes, you can say a lot of bad things about Detroit and I'm still sort of an awe-struck Yooper. But nights like this? The city is amazing and welcoming and fun. Afterwards we had a few drinks at bar closer to home. Then Pete and I ended up staying up really late having a heart-to-heart, which has been the best part of my week. I love that man.


what a goof

♡ Saturday we met up with my bestie and her husband. It was their fifth anniversary!!! Holy crap, time flies. We BBQ'ed in the park since it was perfect weather, got ice cream, and then wandered downtown to watch fireworks. The fireworks themselves left something to be desired but the company was the best ever. Kris, baby? Seventy more years. Trust :P


blurry, but they're so cute!

♡ On Sunday we had (another) BBQ. This time with Pete's family. I got to meet one of his Aunt's for the first time, and she is just lovely! There was a little bit of drama, but that just ended up making me feel closer to the relatives that I like. Honestly, the whole situation made me feel really included - I'm so lucky to be joining this famiy!

I wish I had more energy to express how wonderful it all was, how much I enjoyed the friendships and sun. I know I keep saying it, but it's just flat-out true : this summer keeps kicking my ass with the wonderful.

Tomorrow night we leave for my hometown and my sister's wedding. I don't know how many people will be there, they're expecting craziness :) I miss my family. I miss the woods. I have a list in my head of things to share with Pete, since he's only seen my hometown under 4 foot of snow.

I'll be back with pictures and, I'm sure, some crazy stories.

July - onward!