Life Passages

[Vanessa]

I'm curious how others handle the probing questions from those sometimes too nosy but well meaning individuals. What comes to mind most is "When are you going to get married? Have a baby? Buy a house? Time is not on your side you know!" Obviously the response is not the same for Grandma as it is for the new neighbor next door. Personally, I don't think I ever want kids. When I make this statement, its usually met with, you'll change your mind at the last minute, just give it time. Infuriating to me! Who says we can't be happy if we choose not follow the traditional path of get married, buy a house, have kids? Thoughts?

[Big D (aka DG)]

No kidding! My sister had a difficult time getting preggers and ended up with just one daughter - my darling niece. She has put up with all of the same questions, non-stop. I guess people really are the same the world round. Different ass, same question! :)

[WriterJax]

I got a new one over the weekend from my friend's mom:

Friend's Mom (at Superbowl party) So Where are your children tonight? At home with the babysitter?

Me: Um, no, we don't have children.

FM: Oh. Ohhh... I'm so sorry. Well, you have each other!

[Vanessa]

It never ends! Sometimes I wonder if people realize how crass they really are???

[Nanette]

I enjoyed reading everyone's responses above.

My most recent responses to the "When are you having kids?" question are:

- We're still practicing.
- You first! (this works best with my single, non-parental friends)

[Vanessa]

It's incredibly frustrating that someone feels so entitled to know such personal information. To me, its akin to asking how much someone makes. Or what hemorrhoid cream they use!

[Big D (aka DG)]

Preparation H, Baby!
Thanks much.

[Erica Smith]

My favorite: "Oh, I want kids. I want kids to stay at least 12 feet away from me at all times."
:)

[Riayn]

I am able to floor these people with one single response, "I am a lesbian". It is amazing how that stops all questions relating to when you are going to get married and have kids. If you are gay, these types of people don't want you to be able to get married and raise a family.

[Vanessa]

Which I think is sad. I think if it is your desire to be married and have kids, you should be able to do so regardless of sexual preference.

[Riayn]

It is sad. The laws in Australia that make it illegal for gay people to marry and adopt children makes my blood boil. But if I was angry all the time about the inequality gay people have in this country then I would get no joy out of life. Instead, I choose to laugh at the people who on telling them you are gay totally freak out. I love to challenge people's prejudices.

[Erica Smith]

Ah yes -- one more reason why people suck.

[Meg]

I seem to have lost the question of when are you getting married due to the fact that I have lots of nephews and nieces that are in the right age group (mid to late 20s) who are getting the questions instead. Makes it much more interesting for me to watch the conversation rather than have to scan through my mind for a realistic, honest answer which wont come across as being rude and nasty. (should expain that I was an aunt by the time I was 10 years old and I come from a BIG family.)

I have also stated that I really dont want kids and most people dont believe me- apparantly they know me better than i know myself! what was I thinking? ("but you would make such a good mother as you're so calm". Yes i am calm as i know I can hand the child back again, it's not coming home with me!)

I now am saving to buy a house but this seems like a ridiculous concept at the moment. People are paying WAY too much for real estate so I'll just keep renting for the time being. we have had many an interest rate rise here in Australia at the moment - some of it to stop the inflation and a lot in reaction to the low docs loans in USA. Gees I love the idea of deregulated banks and the international money which means there is more to market evaluation than just what is going on in your own country! BUT i digress....

What I find really interesting is the fact that if you live on your own and are happily single people find it hard to deal with you. One woman I work with told me that as I have lived on my own now for over 3 years I will NEVER find anyone as i am totally set in my ways. Ok there is something to the concept of putting an object down and finding it in EXACTLY the same spot 4 days later and maybe I feel freer to walk around my house in various stages of undress as there is no one to comment or run hiding but I dont think I would say that i am set in my ways. Maybe there is the issue I have with taking washing out of the washing machine and putting it into my basket in the 'right' order for hanging on the line BUT I wouldnt say that I am totally committed to this idiosyncracy. I have heard of couples who are totally set in their ways and i love going to visit them as i can then laugh at the "order" they have in their lives.

I also think that living on my own has helped a great deal with the question of marriage and children. It seems obvious to the passer by that I am on my own and they dont want to ask me in case I have an emotional breakdown of some sort in front of them. (the qestion then becomes for the passerby 'what do I do with the woman who has totally lost it and is crying hysterically/beating her fists into my chest/screaming like a banshee/comatosed in the corner screaming for her mother?')

My thoughts are that I always thought up until about 4 years ago that I had to get married and had to have children. Now I am glorifying in the fact that I am able to say "no" to both those things and feel comfortable within my own skin. I think that confidence emanates from me and people dont ask as often.