Lotus Carroll's Page

My Rack:


My Son's Butt:


My Husband's Groove:


Oh, and here's my long thing (that's what he said, *snort*)...

I’m Lotus.

I’m never sarcastic. Not even the least bit. I have no idea why so many people refer to me as “that sarcastic bitch.” What did I do? Was it something I said? Hmph. *rolls eyes*

Ok, FINE… I’m a sarcastic mom ready to share my views on the simultaneous joy and hell of being a new mommy, a wife, and living my life in general. Anything’s game. Getting offended is a possibility. Laughing is required.

I’ve maintained some sort of personal website for my own amusement since 2000. I suppose it’s a sign of my intense vanity, the need to waste my own time (and yours), or my large measure of geekdom. Probably all 3. Why are you here?

I write 98% of my posts with my tongue in my cheek and my foot in my mouth. As you can see, it gets pretty crowded in my main facial orifice when I’m writing. Somehow, I still find a way to shove copious amounts of cheese in there.

Mmmmm. Cheeeese.

I blather on about how wonderful it is to be a mother, and I’ll paint my love for my son and husband in a way that will make you say, “I swear, I was just cutting an onion…. Er, something’s in my eye!”

Before you can say, “Jimminy Cricket,” I’ll do a 180 and tell you that I’m locking my kid in the closet again, and that it’s taking all of my will power not to shove my thumb in my husband’s eye, because DUDE. THEY ARE DRIVING ME NUTS.

I take a freakin’ buttload of pictures. Because I photograph constantly, and because my kid is prone to butt rash and is consequently naked 85% of the time, I end up with lots of humorous Baby Ass Shots. Not to be outdone by Baby Ass Shots, the rest of my photos (from everyday objects to spectacular nature shots) are always competing with one another to be featured as my “Weekly Winners” on Sundays.

One day I rant. The next day I wax poetic. Buckle your seat belts, kids. This is one hell of a roller coaster. Hopefully, the automatic camera will catch you smiling.